THE WORLD FAM0US STORY OF PURIM
by Meish Goldish
The story of Purim is an international tale.

King Achashverosh was Finnish with his disobedient wife Vashti.
"You Congo now!" he ordered her. After she had Ghana way, the
king's messengers went Roman the land to find a new queen.
And India end, the beautiful Esther won the crown.
Meanwhile, Mordechai sat outside the palace, where the
Chile Haman would Czech up on him daily.
"I Haiti you because you refuse to bow to me!" Haman scolded
Mordechai.
"USA very stubborn man. You Jews are such Bahamas! If you
keep this up, Denmark my words! I will have all your people killed!
Just Kuwait and see, you Turkey! "
Mordechai went into mourning and tore his clothes-a custom
known as Korea.
He urged Esther to plead with the king.
The Jews fasted for three days and grew very Hungary.
Esther approached the king and asked, 'Kenya Belize come to a
banquet I've prepared for you and Haman?"
At the feast, she invited her guests to a second banquet to eat
Samoa.
The king asked, "Esther, why Jamaica big meal like this? Just tell
me what you want. Unto half my United Kingdom will I give you."
Esther replied, "Spain full for me to say this, but Haman is
Russian to kill my people."
Haman's loud Wales could be heard as he carried Honduran this
scene.
"Oman!" Haman cried bitterly. "Iraq my brains in an effort to
destroy the Jews. But that sneaky Mordechai - Egypt me! "
Haman and his ten sons were hanged and went immediately to the
Netherlands.
And to Sweden the deal, the Jews were allowed to Polish off the
rest of their foes as well.
"You lost your enemies and Uganda friend," the king smiled.
And that is why the Purim story Israeli a miracle. God decided to
China light on His chosen people.
So now, let's celebrate! Forget all your Syria's business and just
be happy! Serb up some wine and Taiwan on!
Happy Purim!!!

Top Ten Reasons for Celebrating Purim
by Kenneth Goldrich
1. Making noise in shul is a MITZVAH!!
2. Levity is not reserved for the Levites
3. Nobody knows if you're having a bad hair day. You
can tell them it's your costume
4. Purim is easier to spell than Chanukah, I mean
Hanukah, I mean, KHanukah, I mean Chanuka, I mean the
Festival of Lights.
5. You don't have to kasher your home and change all
the pots and dishes.
6. You don't have to build a hut and live and eat
outside (but you could volunteer to build a new Purim
booth for next year's Carnival)
7. You get to drink wine and drink wine and drink wine
and you don't even have to stand for Kiddush (I guess
you can't!)
8. You won't get hit in the eye by a lulav
9. You can't eat hamantaschen on Yom Kippur
10. Mordecai - 1 ; Haman - 0 !!!!

-It's winter in Russia and the people are hungry. The town council announces that meat will be arriving so all everyone get's on line to wait for the meat. After an hour of waiting in the snow and the freezing cold, the town council announces that there will be less meat coming then expected, all Jews go home. So, all the Jews leave the line. Another hour goes by and, again, the town council announces there will be less than expected food arriving, all non-communists go home. All the non-communists leave the line. Another hour, and the town council announces there will be no food arriving, everybody go home. As one man trudges home through the snow, he turns to his friend and says "you see, the Jews always get to go home first."

-Four Jewish ladies are playing a game of cards in Miami Beach. The first lady sighs and says, "Oy..." The second lady nods, sighs, and says, "Oy vey!" The third lady says, "Oy veys meer!" The fourth lady chimes in: "Enough talk about the children already. Let's get back to the game."

-A rabbi who's been leading a congregation for many years is upset by the fact that he's never been able to eat pork. So he devises a plan whereby he flies to a remote tropical island and checks into a hotel. He immediately gets himself a table at the finest restaurant and orders the most expensive pork dish on the menu. As he's eagerly waiting for it to be served, he hears his name called from across the restaurant. He looks up to see 10 of his loyal congregants approaching. His luck, they'd chosen the same time to visit the same remote location! Just at that moment, the waiter comes out with a huge silver tray carrying a whole roasted pig with an apple in its mouth. The rabbi looks up sheepishly at his congregants and says, "Wow - you order an apple in this place and look how it's served!"

-A man is having a problem with his son and goes to see his rabbi. "I sent him to Hebrew School and gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah," says the man, "and now he tells me he's decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?" "Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "I also brought my boy up in the faith and gave him a fancy Bar Mitzvah. Then one day he, too, tells me he's decided to become a Christian." "So what did you do?" asked the man. "I turned to God for the answer" replied the Rabbi. "And what did he say?" pressed the man. "God said, 'Funny you should come to me...' "

-The rabbi was an avid golfer and played at every opportunity. He was so addicted to the game that if he didn't play he would get withdrawal symptoms. One Yom Kippur, the rabbi thought to himself, "What's it going to hurt if I go out during the recess and play a few rounds. Nobody will be the wiser and I'll be back in time for services." Sure enough, at the conclusion of the morning service, the rabbi snuck out of the synagogue and headed straight for the golf course. Looking down upon the scene were Moses and G-d. Moses said, "Look how terrible – a Jew on Yom Kippur. And a rabbi besides!" G-d replied, "Watch, I'm going to teach him a lesson." Out on the course, the rabbi stepped up to the first tee. When he hit the ball, it careened of a tree, struck a rock, skipped across a pond and landed in the hole for a HOLE IN ONE! Seeing all this, Moses protested: "G-d, this is how you're going to teach him a lesson? He got a hole in one!" "Sure", said G-d, "but who's he going to tell?"